Naruto Likes Shino
by Darth Sparky
Summary: Naruto needs help buying a Valentines gift for a special someone. But everyone gets confused as to who! implied NarutoxSasuke, later NarutoxShino, lots of others
1. The Aptly Named Chapter One

**A/N This is gonna be crap! BRACE YOURSELVES!!**

**Disclaimers!  
Lee-Kun: We belong to Masashi Kishimoto-Sensei and all his youthfulness!**

* * *

Poor Naruto. Valentines Day was a week away, but alas! He didn't know what to get his lover, Sasuke! Sasuke had left the village around three years ago, but he and Naruto still secretly sent love letters and gifts to each other. They had to use code names and such too, lest the fangirls find out.

He walked along a street, which was filled with balloons and decorations celebrating everyone's favorite commercial holiday. A pink headed woman didn't catch his eye, because she blended in with the décor, but he saw her anyway and ran after her.

"Hey, Sakura-Chan!"

"Naruto?" The woman turned around to face him.

"Sakura-Chan, I really need your help! I can't figure out what to get Sas-um, I mean...S...Shino...yeah Shino! For Valentines Day!!" Sakura's eyes widened, as did Naruto's when they both processed what he had just said.

Sakura giggled, "Oh Naruto, I didn't know you were with Shino now! Congratulations!"

"But…It was a mistake I didn't mean-"

"Oh Naruto," she winked. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me!"

"Um…Thanks!" He sweat dropped. _This is actually working out great! I can get help with finding a gift for Sasuke and no one will have to know who it's really for! _

He smiled as Sakura dragged him into a nearby shop. "This is one of my favorite shops Naruto," She beamed. "It has some really unique things! I'm sure we can find something to reflect your feelings for Shino!"

"N-Naruto-Kun?? You're dating Shino-Kun???" Naruto and Sakura turned around to see Hinata, her hands balled into fists near her face and her eyes wide.

"Um, it's not like…I mean you see…" Naruto rubbed the back of his neck trying to explain, but Sakura intervened.

"Yeah, turns out Naruto here has the hots for Shino! I'm helping him pick out a nice present for him! But Naruto doesn't want anyone to know, so keep it a secret, okay?"

Hinata smiled and nodded. "I'm here looking for a present for Temari-San myself, but I know a little about what Shino-Kun likes, maybe I could help you?"

"Uh, that would be-er…great! Thanks Hinata…" _I'm starting to get a bad feeling about this…_Thought Naruto as he followed the two girls around.

"Shino-Kun keeps saying he'd really like one of these…not in so many words…" Hinata held up a strange looking item that slightly resembled a bird house. "It's a bug house." (Why Shino would need somewhere to house bugs we'll never know…)

Naruto looked at it skeptically. "Y'know…I was thinking something more along the lines of hair gel…or something…"

"Naruto! What would Shino need hair gel for?? You're supposed to think of something that your lover will cherish forever!!" Sakura scowled at him. "You really don't know anything about relationships do you???"

Naruto was yet again dragged off, this time by two girls. But little did they know, Naruto's 'Secret Crush' was soon not going to be a secret anymore.

* * *

**A/N: How original and cool! **

**Feel free to flame**


	2. Paint a Rumor

"Shikamaru!!" A wild looking man with red face paint came galloping up to the aforementioned Shikamaru on a giant dog. "Guess what I just heard!!"

Shikamaru didn't get up from the base of the tree where he was propped against.

"Hey…Shik-A-Ma-Ruuu…." The other still didn't open his eyes. Kiba (I'm not going to refer to him as 'that man', you all know who it is) smirked, hopping off the dog and leaning closer to Shikamaru. "Shikamaruuuuu..Are you awake?"

Still no response.

Kiba then pounced on the other, landing in his lap and pinning him to the tree, yet Shikamaru clenched his eyes even tighter, trying to ignore the slightly larger man. Kiba sighed. "Shika, this game doesn't work at home, so what makes you think it's going to work now?"

Shikamaru finally groaned and opened his eyes, though only halfway. "Okay, okay," He muttered. "Could you get off of me now?"

Kiba grinned and jumped off his boyfriend.

Shikamaru got up and stretched before lazily looking at Kiba. "What a pain…what is this news that's so important you had to wake me up?"

"I was just in _Shop That Has No Name_(Clever, eh?) and I overheard Sakura saying that Naruto and Shino are together!!"

Shikamaru stared at Dog Man for a full minute before lying back against the tree again. "Well thank you for that extremely interesting news, Gossip Whore."

Kiba scowled at him, but the other was already asleep again. "Well, Akamaru, what do you say we go spread this news around?"

* * *

"Oh Kan-Kan-Kun," Ten Ten sighed, and threw herself at the puppet master. 

He sighed too, though clearly for a different reason as he tried to escape the girl's death grip. "Ten Ten, you're forgetting about that restraining order!!" He grumbled as he tried to pry her off.

"But you came here to be my valentine, right my love??"

"NO! I came here because the Sand Village is out of toilet paper!! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to discuss the matter with the Fifth." He ran in the direction of the current Hokage's residence.

"WAIT, LOVE MUFFIN!!!" Ten Ten started to chase after him, but paused when she felt someone tug on her sleeve. She turned around to be met with a pair of white, large eyes. "Oh, Hinata! What's up?"

"Well…" The younger girl looked hesitant.

"Yes, what is it?" Ten Ten smiled at her.

"I was wondering…"

"Yes?"

"If you could maybe…."

"_Yes_???"

"Tell me where Neji-Nii-San is?"

"I think he's still at his hair salon."

"Thank you!" Just as Hinata turned to leave, Naruto ran up waving at her.

"Hinata!! I just wanted to thank you for all your help earlier!! I think…" He glanced at Ten Ten. "My _cousin_ is really going to love this!!" He winked, and ran off, very well pleased with his 'subtleness'.

Ten Ten stared deviously at the Hyuuga girl. "So…Hinata…Tell me." She giggled. "Who is this _cousin_ that Naruto seems so eager to please?"

"Um…Well…" Hinata started fidgeting as she looked at the ground, a light blush beginning to cover her face. "I'm not really supposed...to say…"

"Come on Hinata. We're friends, right? I promise I won't tell anyone!" Hinata sighed in defeat, knowing she couldn't say no to anyone. "Well…"

* * *

"For real??" Chouji scarfed down a bag of chips as he listened to Kiba intently. 

"I heard it with my own ears! Right, Akamaru?" Akamaru barked to signify his agreement.

"Heard what with your own ears?" Neji walked up to the two.

"Shino and Naruto are madly in love." Chouji answered for Kiba, who was mounting Akamaru.

"I've gotta go tell Kurenai-Sensei, be sure to spread the news around!"

Neji blinked. "Are you sure about that?"

Chouji nodded and opened his third bag of chips. "Kiba said he heard it himself! I'm gonna go tell Ino!"

"I'm going back to my salon; I have to help Hinata-Sama with her hair."

* * *

"Ino!!!" Chouji shouted at the blonde. "Ino, guess what!!" 

She turned around to face her former team mate. "Chouji, what are you yelling about??"

"You'll never believe it, Shino and Naruto are _engaged_!" Through all his crunching and munching, Chouji seemed to have misheard what Kiba had told him.

Ino gasped. "Are you serious?! When did this happen??"

"I don't know all the details yet, but Kiba said that they're _desperatley_ in love."

Ino squealed like a fangirl. "Who would've guessed??"

* * *

"Naruto...and Shino...huh?" The masked, white-haired jounin lowered his book and tilted his head. 

The beautiful, red-eyed woman nodded. "Kiba just told me. And Naruto being one of your former squad members, I thought you might be interested."

Asuma took the cigarette out of his mouth. "Konoha sure must be bored, gossiping about something as common as this..."

"It would seem so..." Kurenai agreed.

Kakashi blushed and giggled as he continued reading his book. "Oh Jiraiya-Sama, you've done it again!!"

* * *

"What?? Are you positive?" Lee gaped when he heard what Ten Ten had just told him. 

"It's true, Naruto and Shino are lovers!!"

The spandex-clad protector of youth had been ranting to his always-silent love about his intense training that morning when Ten Ten had ran up to him announcing the news.

"And I heard that they play kinky bondage games every night!!" Ten Ten's inner-fangirl had obviously confused her.

Lee's eyes set on fire as he pumped a fist into the air. "How youthful of them!! It sounds like very grueling training of the senses!" Lee turned to his boyfriend and grabbed his hands. "Gaara-Kun, I will not allow Naruto-Kun and Shino-Kun to beat us! We must try this type of training at once!!" The red head (who was certainly going to be _very_ tired the next morning) looked at the mushroom head skeptically, but made no protest as he was dragged in the direction of Lee's home.

Ten Ten stared after them for a moment, basking in the yaoiness. "Oh!! I almost forgot!" She snatched a pair of fuzzy handcuffs out of her ninja gear pouch (or whatever the hell it's called. I, however, think 'ninja gear pouch' is an awesomely awesome name.). "KAN-KAN-KUN!!! WHERE ARE YOU, MY LITTLE TREE SAP???"

* * *

**A/N: You all know Neji has _always_ wanted to own a hair salon.**

**I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this :/ **

**FLAME ON!!**


	3. Say What Now?

_Knock knock. _"Delivery!!"

Aburame Shino opened the door of his home, peering over his dark sunglasses at the UPS Shinobi.

"Abraham-San?" UPS Shinobi Guy smiled and held out a bouquet of flowers. "These are-"

"Aburame."

"I'm sorry?"

"It's…Aburame…"

"Oh, my mistake. These flowers are a gift from one…YakMan Ino. And-"

"Yamanaka."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's… Yamanaka…Ino…"

"Oh, I keep screwing up it seems! Anyways, she sent a singing telegram, so if you would take these…" UPS Shinobi Guy shoved the flowers in Shino's arms and began singing. "OH!! Best wishes and good luck, Shino, you dear shmuck! Upon hearing this great news, some flowers for you I did choose; to match your chaotic love affair, with your man with wild hair. I hope you two last forever, doing yaoilicious things together; I hope for ever you'll always stay, right through your blessed wedding day!"

"…"

"Have a wonderful day, sir!"

Shino closed the door, sat the flowers on a table, and thought.

He thought and he thought and he thought.

He looked scary.

Then he thought some more.

He straightened up from his slouched position against the wall and unfolded his arms.

"What the hell was that?"

* * *

Shino walked around the village, hands shoved in his pockets, deep in thought. _Was that…some kind of joke?? No, it's not like Ino to pull jokes…then…someone actually…likes me?_

The fact that someone might actually have feelings of love for Shino was shocking to us all.

'_Man with wild hair??' _

That could be anyone, seeing as how every male in Konoha had spikes, ponyhawks, or underwear on their heads.

_And what did she mean…wedding day??_

Was Shino's secret admirer going to propose to him? No, of course not, what was he thinking??

He continued walking down the street. There was really no point thinking about it, right? It's not like he actually cared whether or not someone had a crush on him. Not at all.

Shino turned towards the direction of the Yamanaka flower shop.

* * *

"Have a nice day!" Ino called out to a leaving patron. 

"Ino."

Ino whipped around to be face to face with Bug Man. "Shino! I never thought I'd see you here."

"I never thought you would send me flowers."

Ino smiled. "Did you like them? No need to thank me!"

"Why…did you send them…with such a message?"

"Well everyone around has been talking about you and your future life partner!" She giggled.

"Life…partner??" Ino blinked, slightly confused. "Well…yes…I was told that you and Naruto were engaged…?"

For the first time ever in his entire life, Aburame Shino was _stunningly shocked_. He was _fabulously flabbergasted_. He was _amazingly awed_. He was _stupendously stupefied. _Not to mention _marvelously mystified _(I'm here all night, folks!)

"N-Naruto??"

Naruto? The same Naruto who had mentioned on several occasions how scary he was? The one that had failed to notice he was in a room when in plain sight? The same yellow haired spazz that had disappeared for three years, and upon returning _didn't even know who he was??? That_ Naruto had feelings…of _love_…for _him? Shino??_

"Ugh." Shino, feeling dizzy, leaned on the counter.

"S-Shino?? You mean you didn't _know??_ It's what everyone's been saying!! For God's sake!! Don't you ever get out?"

"Who told you?"

"I heard it from Chouji!"

_-Outside Sonny's Barbeque-_

"I heard it from Kiba!"

-_Outside PetCo (where the pets go)-_

"I overheard it from Hinata in Shop That Has no Name"

_-Outside Shop That Has no Name-_

"I-I heard it from S-Sakura."

_-Outside wherever Sakura was at-_

"I heard it from Naruto!"

"Naruto said…he liked me?"

"Well, he was buying a gift for you, what other reason could there be?"

"This is…not normal."

"Shino?? Shino!! You can't faint in the middle of the street!!"

* * *

Naruto had just finished putting a bow on what seemed to be some sort of package, though it just looked like a large wad of wrapping paper. He'd already sent Sasuke his gift, and decided that maybe he really should get Shino something since Hinata and Sakura were bound to ask the member of the Aburame clan about it sooner or later (even Naruto can be smart sometimes!). 

"But…" He scratched his head. "How do I give _Shino_ a gift?? He might bite me or something…" He shuddered at the thought.

He flopped down on his bed and wondered how he had gotten himself into this mess to begin with. While lying there, his inner mind theatre began playing mini movies of ways to give Shino the present.

_**-Naruto's Inner Mind Theatre-**_

_**How to Randomly Give a Gift to Some who's Liable to Kill You: Episode one**_

_"Hey Shino! I was just thinking, since you're always all alone and emo looking…"_

_**How to Randomly Give a Gift to Some who's Liable to Kill You: Episode two**_

_"Shino, I heard about your bug's gruesome death. Here's a token of my sorrow!"_

_**How to Randomly Give a Gift to Some who's Liable to Kill You: Episode three**_

_"Hey there! I just happened to be in the neighborhood-"_

_**How to Randomly Give a Gift to Some who's Liable to Kill You: Episode four**_

_"I LOVE YOU!!!"_

Naruto rolled over and glared at the package. None of those ideas were half bad, but unfortunately, they all ended with him either receiving a death glare, or ending up missing an arm. And he had no clue why his odd little mind had come up with the 'I love you' thing.

The package stared at Naruto. Naruto stared at the package. He narrowed his eyes, sighed, and got off the bed. Picking up the poorly wrapped gift, he headed out the door and towards Shino's house (after stopping to ask Hinata for directions). He was wracking his brain trying to figure out what he would say to Shino once he got there.

_Why am I putting so much thought into it anyways?? I should just give him the package and leave!! It's not like it means anything…_ SMACK. The holder of the kyuubi lost his train of thought as he fell backwards onto the ground.

"Pardon me."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't…Shino??"

"…Naruto??"

* * *

**A/N: Cliffhanger!! **(Ino: You fail at life!) **What will happen next?? Will Shino and Naruto end up together?? Or will Naruto have his arms bitten off?? Does anyone really care? No? Me either!**

**FLAME ON.**


	4. You Got Radium Eyes

Naruto stared at Shino.

Shino stared at Naruto.

Shino and Naruto stared at each other.

Naruto sweatdropped.

Shino blushed slightly, but since he's Shino no one could really tell.

Random passerby's could feel the tension between them, and mentioned to each other how stupid everyone was these days.

"Uhh…" Naruto, being a real man of action, decided to take control of the situation. He jumped up and reached his hand out to Shino, laughing nervously. "Sorry about that!"

Shino hesitated a moment before rather reluctantly taking the others hand. "It's alright; I wasn't watching where I was going…" He muttered as Naruto pulled him to his feet.

But Naruto was still a bit flustered after running into Bug Man before he was prepared to face him, and ended up pulling a bit too hard. Shino was jerked forwards; he fell against Naruto, the two of them tumbling to the ground once again. Naruto's arms instinctively wrapped around the other man as they went down, and Shino ended up landing on top of Naruto, and being held closely against him. Both shinobi gasped.

Shino's body was leaning slightly forwards, causing his round sunglasses to slide partly down his nose; revealing a pair of clearly embarrassed eyes. Naruto was in shock, having never seen Shino's eyes before (He had actually begun to think that the Aburame Clan member didn't have any). He was mesmerized by the deep, black pools. Shino had always been a blank when it came to emotion, but without his sunglasses, you could clearly see the wide array of what he was feeling.

_His eyes are so pretty…_ Naruto thought while staring at the other. _They're so dark, yet expressive…They remind me of-Uhh…I know this, I know this!! C'mon, Uzumaki, think!! _But Naruto seemed to be so caught up in the eyes he was currently gazing into, he couldn't remember the name of who they reminded him of (Here's a hint Naruto-Kun, it starts with S and ends with Asuke!!).

Shino's cool guy act was slipping fast. Why was Naruto staring at him like that?? He quickly got off of Naruto, placing his glasses back in place while trying to regain his composure. Naruto had followed in sync, trying to keep his eyes locked on those dark orbs as long as possible. Shino currently had his back against Naruto, and cleared his throat several times before turning around.

"Naru-" Shino gasped and almost fell backwards a third time. As soon as he turned around, his face was only inches away from Naruto's. He stepped back, and Naruto quickly followed. "W-What are you doing?"

"Shino, why do you wear those sunglasses all the time? Your eyes are totally awesome!!"

Shino didn't respond; but merely used his index finger to shove the sunglasses even farther up.

"A-Anyways," Naruto picked the package off the ground and handed it to Shino. "This is for you."

Shino held the box on his left palm and gripped the ugly bow with his right, far away from his body; like it was some sort of time bomb. "What's this for?"

"Oh, you know. That's for helping me with my trai-snff-blah…" Naruto mumbled some more incoherent words, trying to make it sound like it was completely obvious what the gift was for.

"I see…Well, thank you…"

"Sure thing!" Naruto smiled his foxy grin, Shino simply nodded, and the two of them set off in their opposite directions.

* * *

**-The pointless scene of no return-**

"KYAAAA!!" Ten Ten squealed while clutching her beloved Kankuro. "And then, he did XXX, XXX, a little more XXX, and finally he XXX'd him right?? Am I right?!"

"I said I saw them talking together, not screwing it up in the middle of the street." Shikamaru sighed. He knew he shouldn't have bothered with telling the girl, but she wouldn't leave him alone. Those damn fangirls and their built-in yaoi-seeking radars…

"Yes!! Naruto and Shino are officially together!! I did a great job!!"

"You didn't do anything…." Shikamaru mumbled.

And as for why Shikamaru, Sakura, Ten Ten and Kankuro were all hanging out together, we'll never know.

* * *

Naruto was lying in his bed, quite satisfied with how he'd handled the present giving dilemma. He hadn't even had to spend any money on the guy. He'd gotten two free tickets from the Hokage after all. He shut his eyes, then opened them again. Repeated. Again. Five more times. _Dammit! I wanted to have a nice dream about Sasuke succumbing to my manliness and masterful techniques…_

But every time Naruto tried to go to sleep, all he could picture in his mind were Shino's eyes...

* * *

Shino sat on the edge of his bed, staring at a ticket for the _Haven't Thought of a Cool Name yet _Festival tomorrow. He put it down, then picked it up again. Was this just some cheap gift? Or was it Naruto's way of asking him on a…A d-…A da-

Shino couldn't do it. He couldn't make himself say the d word (get your mind out of the gutter). Shino didn't want to think about it anymore. It was too confusing, even for him. His last rational thought as he drifted to sleep was that the festival committee had better think of a name. And then Shino was asleep, and had a nice dream that he was the King of Ferngully.

* * *

**A/N: Holy hellfish. What the crap was that? I swear, it was almost normal at the beginning...but the next chapter or two is going to be filled with booze and smut, so it's gonna be totally awesome** (it's gonna suck)**!!** (Oh yeah, and if you don't know what Ferngully is, go look it up on Google right now!!)

**As always, _FLAME ON!!_**


	5. A Drinking We Will Go!

Naruto sat on the stool of his favorite ramen restaurant, watching as Konoha civilians walked about in Kimonos and whatever else people wear to festivals. Though the night had just begun, many people wobbled about, already intoxicated. Naruto slid off the stool (after eating 9034630469 bowls of ramen) and glanced around for anyone he knew. He was dressed in a kimono styled top that had a Vulpix (Y'know, that fox Pokemon thing?) on the front that Sasuke had knitted for him; and a pair of blue, fleece samurai pants with duckies on them. So you could say he was looking pretty fly.

He watched as a group of children chased Chouji around with a stick screaming 'PINATA! PINATA!!' Naruto laughed to himself. Oh, those ever playful children…

He saw plenty of couples everywhere. There was Lee trying to drag Gaara out of the corner…Kiba trying to drag Shikamaru out of his sleep…Temari trying to drag Hinata into wearing some lower-cut tops at a nearby store…Ino trying to drag Chouji (A nearly impossible task) to the gym…And, of course, TenTen dragging Kankuro by a pair of handcuffs. Ah, yes, love was in the air!

Naruto turned off in the direction of the ramen place (It has a name, I swear…) to stuff his face once more, but couldn't help but feel he was forgetting about something…something that had been bothering him so very badly the previous night…or something…

"Oh well!" Naruto shrugged and skipped merrily off to the ramen stand.

* * *

Shino stared at the ticket on his bedside table. The festival had begun already. But he wasn't going. He'd already decided. He _never_ went to things like this, so why start now?

Of course, Naruto _did_ invite him…sort of. But maybe…Maybe it was a prank! They'd all set it up just to see if Shino would actually show up. Then they'd all know that-

'_Know what?_' Shino thought to himself. '_There's nothing to know. He gave me that ticket because whoever he bought it for couldn't go. That's it. And I'm not going. But…even if I did… it's not like he would notice anyways..._'

Very true, Shino. Naruto never noticed him, after all. And when he did happen to notice the 3D shadow, he had no clue as to who he was…But it's not like Shino cared. Not in the very least. He was just thinking more than usual, that's all.

And he was most certainly _not_ going to that festival. No siree Bob...

* * *

"Hello, Naruto…" A monotone voice greeted from behind the blonde.

Naruto screamed in surprise and jumped 82.7 feet in the air. Then landed with a swan dive. He received a perfect 10 from the judges.

"Shino??" He asked through his still shaken voice. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"I'm…sorry…" Naruto raised an eyebrow. Shino never apologized. He was Shino, after all.

"What's the deal, Shino? You never say sorry for anything! Of course, you hardly ever speak at all…" He grinned cheerfully. "Whatcha doin here? You never come to anything fun like this! Oh wait, let me guess…There's and endangered bug species nearby you have to go save?"

Shino didn't respond. He knew it. Naruto was just getting rid of some of his garbage. He didn't even remember giving him the ticket. Bastard.

"Ng…" Shino grunted stiffly as Naruto suddenly smacked him across the back.

"I'm just kidding!" He rubbed closely to the other and slowly (and sensually!) wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Did you think I would forget our wonderfully romantic date?" He asked smoothly while pulling the Aburame man closer.

Shino froze even more than usual, an uncharacteristic look mixed with shock, embarrassment and confusion on his face.

Two fingers moved to Shino's face and gently slid the round frames down his nose and a pair of blue eyes stared intently at his own. If Shino were the gulping type, he would have gulped. But he's not so he didn't. What should he do? Naruto was just staring at him! …Again! He didn't have the slightest clue what to say, much less do (Seriously, stop thinking that!). Luckily, he didn't have to do a thing, as Naruto then proceeded to burst out into hysterical gales of laughter.

"Did Shino just get played??"

"I think Naruto turned him on!!"

Shino broke out of his shock at the sound of new voices and looked around the room that had moments before been empty except for Naruto and himself.

A group of three young girls had stopped to view the guy's lovely moment. People had witnessed him losing his permanent cool. They were giggling to themselves, and later would tell all their friends. Because that's what girl's do. Naruto was still about to bust a spleen from all his laughter.

"S-Sh-S-s-s-_Shino_!!" He stuttered, his eyes streaming. "You should've seen the look on your face!!" Shino's ever present frown darkened, the Doom Aura sending the girl's off on their way (to tell their friends!).

Shino's arms, which he had been trying so hard to keep in a casual position, folded back across his front as usual. He roughly shoved his glasses back up to cover his eyes once again, and in his irritation he almost jabbed his eye out. He started to back out of the ramen stand. He had actually gone out of his way, gone off of his never-be-social routine, gone to an _outdoor party_…Because he thought _this_ guy wanted him to? Shino was mad. Furious, actually. He was mad at Naruto for making a fool out of him. It was only in front of a few people, but what he did was just ridiculous. He was _furious_ at himself for ever coming in the first place. Why had he convinced himself to accept the 'invitation'? Why had he trusted _Naruto_ of all people?

He looked once more at the man having some sort of seizure on the floor.

"Naruto." Naruto suddenly stopped laughing when he heard the sternness in Shino's voice. He looked up at him? "I have to go." So he did.

Naruto quickly got up in a huff, putting his hands on his hips. "Can't you take a joke?!...Wait, he's Shino, no he can't…"

* * *

Shino walked quickly through the crowded streets, everyone's drunkass faces becoming a blur to him. "HEEEEEEEEEYYYYY SHIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO-KUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN." Shino stopped in his tracks.

"Lee. Have you been drinking?" He turned around to face Bruce Lee's biggest fan.

"What do _you_ think?" Gaara muttered, one of Lee's arms slung around his shoulders as the spandex-clad man tried to do a back bend.

"Shhhhhinnnnnno…." Lee slurred, lunging for the man in front of him. Unfortunately, he saw three of said men and he went for the one on the right. He plowed into the ground in a dramatic-type way. Gaara sighed and used his sand to make a floating chair for the drunken lad. Lee grabbed another bottle of booze from absolutely nowhere as the chair formed underneath him. "Shinnnoo, you look shhaaaad. Here, you should hash shometing to drink!" He held out a heavily wobbling arm to the Shino on the left.

Shino took the bottle for the mere sake of preventing anymore of the beverage from spilling on the ground. Glancing around as Lee passed out, Shino noticed the green beast wasn't the only one entirely intoxicated.

Temari was copping a feel on Hinata in a no-so-very concealed area, causing the smaller girl's face to turn all shades of red; all the while responding the blonde's sweet, heartfelt word's of _'C'mon, baby, no one's watching…'_ with the equally sentimental, _'N-N-No! Not here! Where are you putting your hand?! KYAAAAA!!'_

Shikamaru and Kiba were sitting on a bench making out- Well actually, it wasn't so much mutual tongue-wrestling as it was Kiba simply ravishing the not-exactly-consenting Shikamaru's mouth.

TenTen was (THIS PARAGRAPH HAS BEEN CENSORED FOR THE SAKE OF THE READER.) Kankuro.

After throwing up, Shino turned his attention back towards Lee and Gaara; then quickly shot his gaze away, as Lee was doing some-er-unmentionable things.

Sighing on the inside, Shino subconsciously gripped the booze bottle tighter and made his way to a brightly lit and poorly decorated building.

"I'll drink any one of you under the table!! Come on!!" Tsunade shouted, pumping a fist curled around a small sake cup in the air.

Standing in the doorway, Shino peered in at the sight before his shaded eyes. All the old geezers of the village (Kakashi, Tsunade, Jiraiya, Iruka, Kurenai…ya know, all the old people!) were gathered around the long bar and seemed to be involved in some sort of drinking game. There were empty sake bottles scattered all about, and after taking a look at the faces of the patrons, Shino thanked God that the village wasn't currently under attack. Shino took a few steps forward to get a better view.

"Hey there, purdy lady!" Jiraiya slurred, leaning towards him as he approached. "How's about you and me go back to my place…and you know…get to knowww each other?" Then he blacked out and fell to the ground.

"Shino, why don't you join us?" Tsunade asked, turning around on her stool and propping her elbows on the bar behind her.

"Shino would _never_ do such a thing!" Kurenai said as she crawled all over Asuma. "Or _would_ he?" Then the two of them burst out laughing for no apparent reason.

Seeing as he had nothing better to do, Shino seated himself next to Tsunade…But he had _no_ intention of drinking. None whatsoever. Shino gripped the bottle tighter. But…why _shouldn't_ he? He was a fun guy, after all! Totally cool and with it! He'd have one drink. _Just one_.

And Shino did. A few moments after his first sip, his gloomy mood began to lighten. Maybe he could have just one more…And another…

"S-So many…" He stutter-mumbled after he'd downed three bottles. "You know what…" His head rolled. "I think I'm gonna go fuck around!"

"That's the spirit, Shino!" Iruka cheered.

"Go for it!" Kakashi echoed.

Shino exited, head held high and his long jacket halfway unbuttoned.

"Cute kid." Tsunade said upon his leave. "Hey Iruka! I've always wondered…"

"Yes Hokage-Sama?"

Their flushed gazes met. Their eyes wide and sparkling. Could it be a confession of love?!

"How the fuck did you get that scar on your nose?"

"You know…I'm not really sure…"

* * *

"Naruto."

Fox-boy jerked around from his ramen stand stool. "Shino? You came back! Look I'm really sorry about…S-Shino?!" Shino had tried to take a step forward, but that's kind of hard when you see five floors layered on top of each other. He crashed into Naruto, sending them both to the floor. Shino stared down deliriously at the boy he had just fallen on top of.

_T__his is your chance, self. Go for it! _Drunken Shino put on a semi-charming smile and attempted a hair-flip; but seeing as how he had some funky afro thing with no bangs, it didn't exactly work out. "We have _got_ to stop meeting like this."

Naruto looked at him confused for a moment, looked deep in thought, then grinned. "Oh, _sure_ Shino!" He laughed, "You had me there for a minute!" His smiled slowly faded as the other man remained on top of him. "Um, Shino, you can get off me now…"

"Your hair is so yellowwwww…"

"Shino? …Are you _drunk_?"

"I'm a fairy princess!"

"Shino, I'm going to take you home, okay?"

"Peanut brittle!"

* * *

Half-dragging the other man along, Naruto made his way up Shino's staircase. "Shino, where's your key?"

"Goodnight."

Naruto sighed. He could kick the door in, but when Shino awoke in the morning, he might pummel his ass…

"Well, I guess this is the only option!" Naruto stated (a little too happily), shrugged, and shoved a hand inside Shino's coat.

He began feeling around for the keys (Yeah, right…), starting from the torso and moving down. His hand suddenly went to a certain area where keys just wouldn't be. Shino moaned. Naruto froze. For at least a full five minutes (Move that hand!) Naruto didn't move. Slowly, he released the other man, who was now gripping the railing with one hand.

He swallowed. "S-Shino, can you give me you key?"

Shino groaned, this time it was caused by his drunken state, and fished the key out of one of his many pockets. "Here you are…"

Naruto put the key in the lock and opened the door, entering with Shino following slowly. Naruto laid the key on a table and turned to leave, only to see Shino slamming the door.

"Would you like some tea?" He asked, slowly approaching the blonde shinobi.

"Um…" Naruto swallowed again, this time with more difficulty. "I should probably get going…"

Placing a hand on Naruto's shoulder, Shino used his other to remove his tinted spectacles. "Thank you for walking me home, darling." He batted his eyes while striking a girly pose.

"Shino are you o-WOAH!" Shino collapsed mid-pose in Naruto's arms, his intoxication finally doing him in. "Geeze…" Naruto sighed and pulled Shino towards his bed, then laid him upon it.

" 'Night Shino." He turned to go, but was halted by a tugging on his sleeve.

"Where are you going?" Naruto turned, only to be pulled down on top of the bug freak. "I can't believe you're going to leave me all alone when I am clearly ill. I bet you wouldn't leave Hinata or Kiba."

Naruto stared for a moment in surprise at the darkening eyes beneath him, then smiled. "God…You're such a baby, Shino…"

And he most certainly did _not_ leave Shino that night. No siree Bob.

* * *

**A/N**: OH GOD. I'm so sorry. Four months and this is all I could come up with. Luckily, I don't think anyone is keeping up with this piece of crap. But at least it's longer, right? RIGHT?! -Shot- Okay, here are your options (Who the fuck am I talking to? No one is reading this.). I can attempt a lemon for the next chapter...or not. OR A MINI CHAPTER ABOUT HOW SHINO IS THE KING OF FERNGULLY. Pick one. NAOPLZ. HELLO? IS ANYONE THERE?!

_**FLAME ON!**_


	6. This is not an update

This is entirely author's note things. WAHAHAHAHA.

So, when's the last time I wrote about this? A year ago? Two years ago? I'm not really sure. But I THINK I have a few watchers on this? I don't really know how this site works anymore...

But yeah, if you're reading this and want an update, message me/review or something? I know that's obnoxious and I SWEAR I'm not whoring, but I wanna know if I should bother finishing this.

FLAME ON!


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